Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Survivor boyfriend

One good thing about sleep is a dream. I had one of the most amazing dreams early this morning. I was talking and cuddling with this super-stud guy. I just had the feeling that he was my boyfriend. How did he get so lucky? haha

And then I woke up. Bummer. That dream put a smile on my face. Which is really good coz I am not one who smile early in the morning.

I think I saw him in the latest Survivor series last Sunday. I don't remember his name but I do remember the face. I have a survivor boyfriend. Yum-my! In my dreams of course. But still. Delight.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Quarter-end magic

Quarter ends at the office are really hectic is an understatement. Quarter ends at the office are horrible, stressful. Our team takes care of the rankings of the Investment Banking/Capital Markets activities in the whole Asia Pacifc region. I can hear my non-work friends saying "U had me at rankings....", so I'm not go in the definitions. Needless to say, these rankings are fought over by the most competitive people I've ever known - the Investment Bankers! They're so competitive, they make schemes right and left, come up with "magical" deals at the last moment, challenge every single deal of their competitors and cry foul when they don't get what they want. Arrrrgggg. And I've been doing this for 6 whole years. Coolness!

A month before quarter-end, deadlines are set. Surveys are planned. Letters are drafted. Meetings are done. Weekly checks are done to "ensure" that data is correct. Three weeks before quarter-end, letters are sent out. A couple of weeks before quarter end, clients start sending "magical" deals.

Then comes the frenzy - confirming if the deals are really legitimate, if the syndicate are complete, details are correct, the dates are correct, and the hardest part - the challenges of other banks. I had one analyst crying because one bank contact shouted at her for not crediting a deal. Another analyst went under his table while on the phone with his contact coz he got so afraid. Another played hard ball against a contact. I myself almost had a shouting match with the Managing Director for Asia. And these are bankers, peoplee who rarely admit they are wrong. I must say hat's off to the Japanese bankers because they always follow through.

And why do I still do this? Because its fun. It makes me think. It challenges me. I always, always learn something new every after quarter-end. I always strive to improve a process if something didn't work according to plan.

To me, quarter-ends are tests. It tests the limits of the knowledge of analysts. It tests if you can endure hard work. It tests your mastery of the English language since we talk to English-speaking bankers). It also tests your patience and your commitment to your job. More importantly, it tests how you like doing your job.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Sea smells

Our office building is in front of Ayala Ave and on some hot days after sundown, between 6 to 8pm, the smell of Manila Bay wafts towards Ayala Ave. The smell is actually somewhat unpleasant, my officemates do not like it. But for some reason, I like the smell. The smell brings nostalgia of the my childhood, my youth and my home town. It reminds me that beyond the tall skycrapers, horrendous traffic and throngs of people, is the sea. Albeit dirty by human standards, it is still Manila Bay.

I grew up in a small town where anywhere is just 5 minutes from the beach. From my house, you can see the blue of the ocean. Idealic really. My city-bred cousins and I loved spending summers in my home town - we had the whole, clean, beach to ourselves. We spent unending days in the beach, only coming out if we've turned raisin-like. Our mothers weren't happy of course coz we'd be nognog when school starts but we couldn't care less.

When I went into adulthood, the same beach became witness to time spent with my first love. Since the relationship wasn't "legal", we had to find ways to meet up, hence the beach. It was an amazing set-up, we'd have our friends there with us always so suspicions of just "us" are eliminated.

The beach was not just a place of fun. The major livelihood of our town was fishing. Men of the households would go out to sea every night on their bangkas to fish. At night, the sea horizon would be lit by the hundreds of gas-lamps from the fishermen's bangkas. It was an amazing sight, looked like there's a city right smack in the middle of the sea.

Whenever I get a chance, I try to go down our office building after sun set and try to smell the sea. The smell doesn't get to Ayala everyday. In fact, for this year, I only caught it twice. But whenever I get lucky and catch it, I smile and send a prayer of thanks to God for the gift of the sea.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Sunday morning

I'm the type of person who always, always sing a song in my head. And my current favorite is Sunday mornings by Maroon 5. It soooo represents my current state of mind.

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do

Sunday mornings should be spent sleeping in. Ideally, it should be raining too, the sound of rain lulling you to sleep more. Skin.... well, that's another story :D Unforgettable moments of molding; Im thinking spooning. Hmmmm. Great sunday morning. Hold that thought for a little while longer. A little more.

Its been centuries since I last spent a Sunday like that. I think it was last year, in Singapore. Lately Sunday mornings were spent doing errands, spending time with friends in need, shopping. Things just get crazy.

I long for lazy, quiet, sleepy, cozy Sunday mornings. Sunday mornings spent vegging out, flipping through the countless tv stations or reading a good book or simply staring into space. To be idle. To be worry free. To simply breathe. To just let the world pass you by.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Waiting..... in vain?

Waiting has never been my forte. I hate waiting, I'd rather that people wait for me than I wait for them. I know its a bit selfish but I'm only human. We are allowed our little flaws.

Anyhow. Last night, I found myself waiting for my friends to show up for my birthday drinks. So I amused myself with thoughts of this weird guy (the jerk-o old flingy). In totality, he's a nice guy, brilliant too, being gorgeous is just a plus (yeah, right?!). He just doesn't know where he is headed or what he wants. When I first met him, I knew then that he was restless. He was 25 so I thought that's cute. It didn't matter that I couldn't figure him out as long we had fun. Now 3 years older, and he's still as restless as before, it isn't really cute anymore. Though he's still very, very gorgeous. Again, that's just a plus.

People claim that that women mature faster than men. And I've known couples who didn't mature at the same level. Some have to wait for their partner. Others just give up and look for someone else.

With that, I contemplated if I should wait for him to grow up. Or if I can wait for him to grow up.

Till today, I couldn't decide. The 15 minutes of down time certainly isn't enough. I will have to revisit that thought a little later. Maybe in 3 year's time.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Birthday pinks!

When you're turning 27 and single in a big city, loneliness hits you like big strong typhoon. So as I was preparing for the onslaught of the birthday blues about a couple of weeks ago, I was surprised by an old fling. I haven't seen or heard from him in eons. Well, that's an exag really, it was only about 1.5 years. Like the Pagasa's weather predictions, the looming typhoon changed directions. Or so I thought.

We had fun-fun time hanging out. He held my hand(!). A guy friend said that should mean something. For a romantic schmuck like me, I thought this year is going to be different. I won't be having birthday blues! Finally! I will be having birthday "pinks"! haha! Practically announced it to the whole fiefdom - which consists of my friends, my housemates, my mother and sister.

We went out again after a week, this was last weekend, officially 4 days before my birthday. In all honesty, I wasn't expecting anything except to have fun. But what transpired wasn't even in my wildest dreams or nightmares, as more appropriate. He treated me horribly, was distracted, wasn't himself. And the worst part, he just left for la-la land again without even saying proper goodbye.

Im not gonna analyze what happened coz I promised myself that I won't analyze anymore. Just let it be. It just happened. And even if I wanted to analyze it the whole day Sunday, I didn't have time. Busy shopping with a friend from the US. So the typhoon came rushing to me Sunday night when another old fling called. Now that's what a real fling should be, all gooey and sugary sweet. And I felt bad the whole day Monday, thought that my birthday is going to be blue. Yet again. For the nth time.

I woke up today feeling blah still. I was just working and feeling yucky when in a meeting, co-worker said something which struck me. We were discussing something about work recognition and she said that the attitude towards it should be commended. That's it. I realized that I have two choices: either be miserable when the clock strikes 12am later or be happy and celebrate because the clock stroke 12am.

So what if Im 27 and single? Who cares about jerk-o old fling? Im happy, contended, successful and appreciated, loved by family and friends. Starting today, no more birthday blues. Just birthday pinks. Simply because Im girlie.