I was chatting with my college best bud over YM the other day... talking about relationships, marriage and life in general. We're never usually that deep, but that day, pending the Holy Week, we were unusually speaking our hearts and minds.
We were wishing new things, new beginnings to have a perfect life. We were wishing for problems, issues, baggage and generally unpleasant things to go away. For life to begin perfect. Then I thought maybe life would be too boring if we had it easy. As the prayer goes, life shouldn't be perfect coz perfection makes people dull...
As I reflected on that today, won't it be wonderful if we had all the answers to our questions? Won't it be less painful to know what to say and do in awkward situations? Won't it be just joyous to be able to just continue loving, without hurting at all? I honestly don't know for sure.
All I know is that when I used to just walk away without looking back, I now stay put. When I used to end the pain by quitting, I now feel the pain more by holding on. When I could so easily stop loving and end the hurting by not looking back, I keep looking so I don't end the loving and the hurt disappears through time. When could just I get mad and then get even, I get mad and pray to be forgiven.
Is this how life should be? Is that what I have committed myself forever to? Maybe it is. Maybe it's not. But is the decision that changes me. It's the decision that keeps me grounded. Enough to pain me at times. But in general, more than enough to keep me the happiest.
So yes, it gets tough. And it's really far from being perfect. But was I aiming for perfection in the first place? I surely am not and will never. I just want a life where I could be me, loving my loved ones, happily snug in my own little corner.