This Crazy Love Affair

I've always loved food, I grew up with my family getting together for meals.  Being with family to me equals food on the table.  I didn't grow up rich, but there's always been food in our kitchen.  Suffice it to say, I was never skinny.  Add to the fact that I wasn't into sports my whole life, I was more into reading books, the "weighty" issue has always been present.

Growing up, I didn't know that junk food was bad.  My mom kept a huge tupperware (and I think it still exists) full of food - from Chippy, to bread, to cookies.  After a meal, she'd be planning on the next meal.  And I honestly thought all families are like that.  I thought it's excusable not to eat vegetables, that only older ones liked vegetables.

And then I got married.  I learned that I shouldn't be eating junk food.  That vegetables are a must on the table.  That chicharon is awful.  That chicken skin can lead to a slow death. 

It's a total paradigm shift.  Slowly, I've started eating vegetables and surprisingly, I actually like them.  I've also only been eating brown rice and paksiw na isda.  I've stayed so far away from chocolates (such sacrifice! :( ).  Although I've slowly become a healthy eater, partly to keep myself alive longer and partly to teach my son, I still have these cravings.  I still long for that junk food fix, or for that chicken skin or for that lechon.  I do keep the cravings in check - I don't overindulge like I used to.

I don't know if I can totally kick the cravings.  I really hope I do.  Or so help me God.

God's greatness

I had my breast ultrasound today. I got so scared coz I went alone, it's a Monday so everyone had things to do. But then God is really great. He reminded me again. The lump that my doc and I felt is gone...although another one was seen, it looked benign.

My doc doesn't have any clinic on Mondays, so I'll have to come back on Saturday to see her. She'll be able to discuss in detail all the test and ultrasound reports. I know God will be take care of me, He always does.

Good night!

Going first

Everyone has talked about Francis M and how he young he has passed on. I have this theory that the good ones always go first. My favorite Uncle went first. My Mom's best friends went first. My other funny Uncle went first. My nice, smart cousin went first. And now Francis M.

I was in first year high school when Mga Kababayan became a mega-hit. All school programs had Mga Kababayan in their list. I had a classmate who worshipped Francis M, he started calling himself NOB and seriously considered being a rapper. Francis M was a major part of my teenage life.

A week ago, I felt a lump on breast. I got scared, who wouldn't be, right? I waited for a week to see if it'll go away. Coz I know sometimes there are just lumps who disappear after a menstrual period. Come last Saturday, the lump was still there. So off I went to see my OB Gyne. She felt it right away. It's moving, so that's a good sign she said. But I would still need to have an ultrasound next week, 10 days after my period. My doc assured that there's nothing to be worried about...

The speaker at our office's International Women Day forum on Breast Cancer yesterday said that not all lumps are cancerous. And Breast Cancer is treatable. We don't have any family of Breast Cancer too, so it's less risky for me.

I still need to wait for another week to get my ultrasound..It's the waiting game that's killing me slowly. The dread of the unknown. My own mortality is staring me in the face. It could be nothing, I know as God is a great provider and healer. But going through such uncertainly is excruciating. Sometimes I wish it's March 16th so I'll know. One thing's for sure though, I'm not nice so I'm not going first... hehe

Please pray for me.