Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Loving silently

That's a classic picture of my parents, my Mama always making lambing while my Papa smokes and smiles :) They married young, young enough to receive the ire of my Mama's sisters. Papa comes from a big, working class family. Mama comes from a smaller, landed family. The Princess and the Pauper. But they made it work.

This is really a father's day post. Albeit delayed, still worth writing. My Papa's not the communicative, demostrative type. He rarely talks. Maybe also to balance out my Mama's noise. God is so smart! haha

I was a Daddy's girl eversince I could remember. In my pictures when I was younger, I would always be near my Papa. He was so my hero. My first memory of him was him telling me a bedtime story while Mama was away at work. It was exactly the same story every night, The Monkey & The Turtle. And then he left to work abroad when I was 5. An OFW. Years later, Mama said the main reason he left was so he could provide for my future well. The trigger? We were hearing mass and there was a balloon vendor and I was asking him to buy me one and he had only enough money for our fare and can't afford a balloon. Too emo? :P

All of us sisters didn't experience spanking from Papa. He doesn't believe in that. Which is why I also don't believe in spanking my child.

I never really minded that Papa's away. Until I reached high school. Being a teenager, I was full of angst and blamed every problem I had on Papa being away. I resented him being away too much that I stopped talking to him and didn't follow his orders. He said not to have a boyfriend until I turn 18, so I had a boyfriend when I was 15. He said I'm not allowed to sleep overnight at friends' houses, so I slept out a lot. He said I'm not allowed to go out dancing, so I did. I was a pain. I knew I hurt my Papa and I actually wanted to do that.

I didn't know what changed after graduating from high school. But something just did. I then understood what it was like for him to be away all the time. On my first semester in college, he was working in Nigeria and got sick of Malaria. I was at my Aunt's place when I learned he was home and I got so scared. My Papa was invinsible, he never got sick, not even flu. And then he had Malaria? On top of that, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to finish school. My Aunt advised me to pray, God will provide. And indeed, God did. Papa recovered and was able to find a better paying job at a nicer place.

Seeing a father and daughter having a close relationship or in a light loving moment never fails to affect me. Sadly, I don't have that much with Papa. But I do love him dearly and I know that he loves me. He never says anything of course but I know he does. I feel that he does.

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