When dreams become...

Wow, its been a while since I last posted something.... must be because I've been busy with life. With married life that is. And pregnancy.

Oh yes, I've recently gotten married. And recently got pregnant too. My hubby, D, is wonderful. We've managed to stay in love despite and inspite of all the dramas, the check-ups, the family discussions and the hospital stays.

He's truly amazing, which caught me by surprise. I was hospitalized for a week because of high blood pressure and diabetis. Apparently, when you're pregnant you're prone to develop these two terrible things. So the doctor wanted to keep me relaxed by ordering me to total bed rest at the hospital. By the 3rd day, I knew I didn't smell nice... and was dying for a bath or a least a visit to the bathroom to clean-up. I told hubby and he said he'd give me a sponge bath. And he did! I was smiling the whole time because I didn't know that he could be so caring. The nurse actually offered to give me a sponge bath but he said he'd do it.

We still have our little spats, but it never lasts longer than an hour. We always cool down and know how to say sorry. Actually, I'm usually the one who gets irritated... my patience is just too short these days. My mom said this is because of the hormonal changes.

We're having a boy! His name is Kyan Dale. We wanted to find a nice, unique name. I first wanted a Juancho. I didn't know why, I just like the sound of the name. But we didn't agree. So we looked for other names. Hubby found Kyan, its African in origin, and means Little King, while Dale is German and means Valley. So Kyan Dale is little king of the valley. Cute huh?

We're both very excited about Kyan. My parents are too since its their first grandchild.

At the start of the year, a friend said that she dreamed someone was getting married this year. I didn't believe her of course, I mean, how could it be when at the start of the year, I wasn't in love. But now, I believe her... and dreams, can indeed, come true. It surely did for me.

Magic 28

In 3 days, I'll be turning 28. Geez. Among my friends in college, I am the one who turn older last. While in high school, I'm the 4th I think... So when the year starts, I always tease my "older" friends about getting old and when they shot back at me that I will "also grow older", I'd have a rebuttal of "but not until Sept!".

And now September is here... like January never came. Is it really this fast when you're "mature"?

I have a good friend who cringes when my birthday passes because it means she's turning a year older. And the next birthday she'll be 30. Honestly, I don't see birthdays as something to cringe about. I mean, I still feel the same when I was 18, but a much better version of me. I've somehow mellowed, if I may call it that. I used to fight about everything and anything with anyone and everyone. Now, I just listen to what others will say and comment only when necessary. I now have the patience to pick the battles I want to fight.... though my boyfriend would ABSOLUTELY disagree with that! haha

I look at my friends and we are all at a place where we all decide to be. Lately, I've been receiving invites to weddings, baptisms, kiddie parties and such from friends. I see friends who are starting their own families, staying in one job, settling into marital wedded routines (no more nightly gimmicks, no more weekly haunts) and being faithful partners. Sometimes I couldn't believe how that could have happened, then I remember we are all at a stage when we want stability.

And then I look at my life and who I've become. Definitely, there are still a lot of things I still need to learn and improve on. I quote my dad's friend "We are a work in progress until we die". And I am simply that. So far though, I am happy with where I am and who I am.

My favorite number is 8 and my favorite age is 18. I'm quite hopeful of the age 28 and looking forward to things that have no way to go but up.

Benchmarks, et al

How do you know when its the right relationship? Does being happy "all the time" make a good benchmark? Its never been proven that someone can be happy "all the time" so that benchmark is quite unachievable.

I've pondered this over and thought, maybe its the contentment of being with someone. That makes a relationship right. Even when you're not happy all the time and that there will be shitty moments, you still want to be with that person. Maybe when you're not afraid to make mistakes and that whatever your relationship will go through, you both know that you'll come of it fine.

So it is bad when you have your shitty moments, which is very usual these days, and you look out the window and you can't help but that think that you want out? And then you keep silent just so things won't get messed up? Even when you're dying to shout?

But you have your good moments too. And if they're good, they're really good. Even when they're far between.

How do you know when someone really loves you? As in really, really loves you? I know love isn't enough to make a relationship work. There should be honesty, friendship and trust. And it should be more just words. Its so easy to say "I love you" these days. Far too easy. But acting out on those words is hardest and that matters a whole lot.

Don't you just wish that these were taught and studied in school? That for every question, you'd have multiple choice answers and you just need to pick one and you'll be safe? If only life was like that. If only love was like that.

Disappearing act

Its weird, and funny at the same time, when you've become part of a couple and your friends are worried that you'll suddenly disappear out of their sight. That you become and try to be the everything to that someone. I do wish I am everything to that someone, but am not. And I know where I stand, only too well. Which suits me....at this point.

I've spent one too many days and nights by myself, isn't it about time that I spent my days with another being whom I love and loves me back? Not that I don't enjoy being with myself (who wouldn't?!?! hehe), but its such nice, comforting feeling to be with someone who enjoys you, who listens when you don't have anything to say, who makes you laugh about anything & everything, who can make you shiver like a grown woman and giggle like a school girl. Di ba?

My time may be focused on one now, probably because its very fresh and much too fun not to. However, that definitely doesn't mean I am not me anymore. I am still very much me, nothing less. In fact I feel I am more me now, more validated and more in touch with reality. So don't fret my beloved friends, I am not going to disappear out of your sight. Do I hear a "too bad" there? =)

All that jazz

I am with someone. Quite recently. We've decided to be together without all the talk of undying love and promises of forever. It was done so simply, asked so simply and decided so simply.

"I want to be with you." If that was uttered to me a few years back, I wouldn't have reacted. I always had this fairy tale idea of getting proposed to - flowers, music, scenery. The works.

In fairness, we did have the scenery. But the conversation was very practical. Being someone who loves to talk and converse, I wasn't used to being told simply "I want to be with you." I wanted to discuss every tiny detail.

Surprisingly though, that sentence made all the pieces come together. Everything just fell into place. I knew too that in my heart, I want to be with him.

My friends and I made a list of qualities of my next boyfriend:
1. Dapat tiklop ako sa kanya.
Kasi I am very opinionated, I can think and speak my mind. So the next boyfriend should be able to understand and accept that about me, but at the same time should be commanding enough so I can listen to him. D, my boypren (hwehwe), is so bugoy and smart that I am often tiklop. Point 1 - check!

2. He should be successful in whatever field he is in.
D is doing really well in his work. He's been around and done stuff no one could pull off. Applause please! =)

3. Kind.
Though he acts and looks like a toughie, he's a softie inside. (And he's going to kill me if he reads this! hehe)

4. We have great conversations. And stuff (wink wink)
'nuf said.

He may not have promised me rainbows and castles. He may not have promised me pagmamahal na walang sukdulan. He may need to be pushed to meet someone from my circle. But he's seen me as me and still likes me, wants to be with me. And that's all the jazz I need.

Giddy

I've been giddy the past few days. Though I'm afraid to admit it and afraid that people will notice it. Its like I have this really nice balloon and if people get too near, it'll just blow away. I can't risk that, afraid to risk that.

I'm just giddy and am enjoying every second of it.

Comes in 3s

Do you believe that bad luck comes in 3s?

Bad luck number 1:

My weekends usually start on a Friday night. There I was, enjoying my Friday night coffee with my cousin, K, and a friend, R, when I needed to go the washroom. So I went, but when I flushed, the bowl almost overflowed!!! I had nowhere to go, no higher ground to run to. The cube was less than a meter wide. Good thing, it didn't really overflow and when I went out, this kind older lady was waiting. I told her what happened, she took care of telling the janitor to fix it up. Kind soul. She became the angel of my Friday night.

Bad luck number 2:

Saturday night I was out my cousin K (again) and good friends from high school, Dr. R and M. I wore my stappy silver high-heeled sandals coz they were terrific with my get-up :) The last time I wore it was during my friend's wedding and the strap of the right shoe snapped so I had it fixed. But not for good apparently. While walking around, straps of both shoes snapped. It was definitely an emergency : two strapless shoes at 11pm on Saturday night! And I still had two bars to conquer. Good thing one store was still open, but from where we were standing it was about 25 meters away. My girlfriends covered me coz I was walking barefoot. And we all ran, laughing towards the store. I was totally touched with what they all did for me. I got a new pair of sandals, a bit pricey but at least I was fixed in no time. I had my three angels to thank for, without them a seemingly embarrassing situation became a funny one.

Bad luck number 3:

Sundays are usually spent at home, watching tv or films on vcd/dvd. My trusty vcd player suddenly conked out. And I still had 3 films to watch. Damn. No angel this time, no one could fix it. So I went out to the mall instead with my cousin. Along the way, we passed by the church and decided to hear mass as well. Turned out well in the end, coz we were able to hear mass, met up with two other cousins for dinner and had fun.

Bad luck comes in 3s, they say. But no one said good luck follows. Also in 3s. Now I know. And am telling the world about it.